The celebration of International Women’s Day today beyond a focal point in the movement for women’s rights provides a good opportunity to celebrate a special woman, mother and confidant to me. Mama Enobong Mbang nee Essien, the late wife of His Eminence Dr Sunday Mbang, a former patriarch and prelate, Methodist Church Nigeria, a former President, Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN), and a former President, World Methodist Council, was strong and graceful. She was cheerful about the future. She took good care of her family and was never lazy. On my appointment as the acting Conference Editor, Methodist Church Nigeria in 1993, I worked closely with many fathers and mothers in the church leadership. Among them were late Rev Abimbola Odunlami, late Very Rev Kayode Cadmus, Deaconess Kennedy Johnson, His Eminence Sunday Makinde (Prelate emeritus), Bishop Kehinde Ojumu (late), Archbishops Olasoji Makindipe (late), Abiodun Omodunbi, Ayo Ladigbolu, Michael Stephen, M.U Ogo,  and Andrew Okenwa. However, my close assignment, work, and walk with His Eminence Mbang connected me to Mama Mbang at their Alaka home. Just like His Eminence Mbang, Mama Mbang took interest in my ministry. I will ever remain grateful to Mama Mbang for her hospitality and advice to me and my wife before we married in 1995.

In the shadow of the parsonage and behind the ministry and leadership of His Eminence Mbang, stood a figure of obscure, Mama Mbang. They got married on December 16th, 1978, and the marriage is blessed with three boys – Iniabasi Abisoye, Idorenyin Segun, and Nyakno Samuel. No one can discount her portion in the measure of His Eminence Mbang’s success, education, ministry, and home. Mama Mbang, often behind the scene of action, often never seen or heard, not in active service, yet stood forever ready to give a helping word and care for her family as a model of Proverb 31 woman. Mama Mbang’s worth was really shown as home builder and in the bearing heavy burdens which to others are unknown. She urged His Eminence Mbang on, ‘when the shadows are the darkest,’ and when His Eminence Mbang’s ‘courage’s almost gone,’ especially when the civil war interrupted his studies and during the Methodist crisis. She was a prayer warrior and intercessor.

Mama Mbang, a lawyer by profession was a godly woman. She had such grace and virtue, always with a warm greetings, and a smile on her face. She knew her place in the home, ministry and in helping the less privileges. She carried the church and family burdens. She interceded for the church, ministers and their families. She sometimes cried the whole night through, ‘but you won’t know when she’s feeling blue.’ Indeed, her life, her time was not her own, ‘there’s always a need, they go on and on with a knock on the door or a ringing phone.’ Mama Mbang accepted His Eminence Mbang’s intense dedication and busy schedules, in loneliness she knelt to seek consolation and strength. When Papa during his studies overseas was in between the Yom Kippur War in Israel hence his transfer to Harvard University in United State of America, Mama Mbang kept the home front stronger and sacrificially. Indeed, Mama Mbang has reached the end of her race, ‘as she meets her Master, face to face. Surely our God had a Special Place in heaven for,’ her.

Using the words of Diane Tappe, Mama Mbang was the woman who proudly sat in the shadows as her husband stood in the light. She was the one who knew ‘her husband is a gift from God.’ She gave His Eminence Mbang back to God through his full-time service and leadership. Mama Mbang was so lonely for her husband because she shared him with other colleagues and groups, local and international. Mama Mbang was the one who encouraged her husband when others sometimes fail to. She was the one who listened to His Eminence Mbang’s dreams for the church and helped him look into the future and saw his dreams became a reality. Mama Mbang was the one who saw His Eminence Mbang ‘on his knees,
shedding tears for the future of the Lord’s church’ in Nigeria and the world in general.

Mama Mbang’s legacy reminds us about the three models and ways how minister’s wife respond to role expectations in the traditional church settings. The first model is ‘the everything wife’ who ‘can actually get into trouble by being too involved,’ trying ‘to meet every congregational expectation,’ sharing equally with her husband his zeal and mission.’ I remember when Mama Mbang as a model of ‘the everything wife,’ despite her genuine zeal and transparency, she got into trouble on some occasions but she was vindicated at last. Mama Mbang and Susannah Wesley, mother of John Wesley readily represented ‘the everything wife’ model of minister’s wife. With their God given strength and virtues, they shared with their husbands’ zeal and mission without allowing the home front to suffer.

Another model of how minister’s wife respond to role expectations in the church settings is ‘the nothing wife.’ ‘The nothing wife’ who may not be religiously inclined ‘is neither interested in church involvement nor supportive of her husband’s profession.’ ‘The nothing wife’ could pull the minister out of the ministry or ‘breaks up the home.’

‘The something wife’ as another model of how minister’s wife respond to role expectations in the church ‘doesn’t buy into the concept of “two fer” – two ministers for the price of one.’ ‘The something wife’ as a career oriented or nursing mother may be weary of taking active part in the church’s role expectations but choose prayerfully where and how much her involvement should be. The truth is that ministers’ wives are constantly faced with the challenge of loving people who are disappointed in her husband. They therefore need support in dealing with criticism of their husbands.

Mama Mbang’s legacy brings to limelight a lot of loneliness and isolation on the part of the ministers’ wives, and ‘… there can also be a loss of identity.’ Mama Mbang’s legacy invites the church in general to support and encourage ministers’ wives to use their best gifts, and find their place not only in the church, but within the community. Ministers’ wives are no longer ‘sacrificier,’ the one who was just ‘there.’ To be a minister’s wife is a call to ‘a life of modesty, suffering, love and ministry to others, but one that nonetheless gives a lot of fulfilment and brings true joy.’

Mama Mbang’s legacy invites the church to encourage ministers’ wives to use their “gifts, education and skills that they might have used in the market place.” As we remember Mama Mbang’s legacy as ‘the everything wife’ model of minster’s wife, let us remember in prayer Papa, His Eminence Mbang, the children, grandchildren and families she left behind. Let us pray for our ministers’ wives for more grace and strength as they continue to support their husbands’ zeal and mission.